


(song title here) but you're in the bathroom at a party.

by courage_of_stars



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), The Try Guys (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, Watcher Entertainment, Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, Families of Choice, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27544330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courage_of_stars/pseuds/courage_of_stars
Summary: "You look--"'-fucking beautiful. And it's not just how you look in the light.'---(Shane wants to leave the party, but feels like he can't. Ryan takes Shane away for a breather.)
Relationships: Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Zach Kornfeld/Eugene Lee Yang
Comments: 13
Kudos: 107





	(song title here) but you're in the bathroom at a party.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: alcohol, mental health
> 
> **Please do not share this with Buzzfeed Unsolved, Watcher, Worth It, The Try Guys, or any other RPF individuals. This is not for them to read. Thank you!

_'OUT OF ORDER'_ scrawls across the piece of paper. All-caps. Neon magenta highlighter on salmon pink paper isn't the most legible. But extra points are rewarded for frowny faces drawn into the 'O's. An 8.5"x11" street flyer is repurposed for the bathroom sign. The grayscale print from the opposite side faintly bleeds through. It may be an advertisement for used car insurance. Or the grand opening of a Thai place from two weeks ago. Or a garage sale few blocks down.

Brows knitted together, Shane pensively studies the taped sign. Maybe the house owners locked the door. Maybe there's a disaster on the other side. Most people will take a 0.5 second glance, then turn away. Surely, there are other bathrooms around. But Shane doesn't need a working bathroom. 

He just needs space to breathe.

By good graces of the universe, the handle turns with ease. Before going any further, Shane glances around. There's a group of people lounging on the ground couple yards down. A few sprawl out across dark floorboards. Some sit back against opposite walls. Laughing. Chattering. Trading bottles, cans, red SOLO cups, a tin flask with an embossed cross. Most appear drunk. Some appear high. None of them are aware of Shane's existence.

If ghosts exist (they don't), Shane wonders if this is what spirits feel like. _'Disappear here'_ whispers through Shane's mind. He doesn't know if it's the alcohol or depression that recites lines from Less Than Zero. Except Shane isn't glamorous, cool, attractive, and/or intriguing enough to make the cut for a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Shane can make the argument that he's lost, afraid, anxious, and fucked up as those characters. But that's nothing unique. That's 99.9% of the people in LA.

Shane vanishes into the bathroom. After closing the door, a small fraction of the noise mutes. A raging Slander track shakes the walls with near violence. This bathroom is a welcomed reprieve. A long held in exhale rushes out.

In quiet surprise, Shane blinks at the bathroom's immaculate condition. No inverted pentagrams, sexual imagery, anime characters, or misspelled lyrics inscribed with lipstick and soap bars on the mirror. No liquid explosion of metallic nail polish in the sink. No forgotten clothes in the bathtub. No peculiar stains of questionable origins. This bathroom's cleaner than the rest of the house.

In the mirror, The Invisible Man stares back. Nevermind. That's just Shane. Cradling a green 2 liter bottle of Canadian Dry to his chest. Trademark red and black flannel. The album art of Emery's _'The Weak's End'_ peaks through few closed buttons. All mismatched. There's a smear of shimmering gold on the black denim's right thigh. Shane doesn't know how it got on his jeans, but he doesn't mind. A black leather jacket hangs off his frame. Decorated with an array of pins and buttons. His favorite being a tiny silver tombstone. Carved into the pin are the words:

_LIFE  
WAS  
OKAY_

The little tombstone's more optimistic than Shane. But people don't need to know that. Tonight, they might think Shane's lacking his usual jovial, upbeat vibes. Everyone knows Shane to crack jokes, and throw his head back with laughter. But this tired, quiet man is Shane's default baseline when A) no one's around B) he's too drained to be the mood maker C) all of the above.

Drawing the white opaque shower curtain aside, Shane gets comfortable in the bathtub. Vibrations of the music travel across tiles and porcelain until reaching his fatigued bones. Lungs deflate slowly.

Shane damned well knows how absurd he's behaving. This is a party. Plenty of alcohol. Tastefully curated playlist. Even his best friends are here. Shane should be having fun.

But when Shane was in the backyard where people are dancing, laughing, sharing stories, making memories-- the world tilts. It's bizarre for a place in LA to have a spacious backyard. That seemingly insignificant detail pulls at a thread in Shane. He wonders if everyone is genuinely having a good time. Or if there's anyone in the sea of people feeling lost like him. The hollowness in Shane's chest mutates into a black void. Jarring dissonance strikes. Sounds fade. Colors desaturate.

And that's when Shane needs to get away.

Not many people know that Shane's an introvert, and has social anxiety. Those two don't necessarily go hand-in-hand for everyone. But for Shane, they often do. Shane's never been an extrovert. He's just a good performer.

In school, Shane's the quietest kid. Whereas most parents sigh over teens staying out late on school nights, Shane's parents worry over him never going to a party, a dance, whatever else kids do. Shane would rather pour over library books, teach himself how to code through MySpace, and make short scifi/horror films with his older brother. But when Shane needs to give a PowerPoint presentation, or re-enact a Macbeth scene for a group project-- he wears his best practiced smile, and plays ventriloquism with his own body.

Since moving to LA, Shane's grown more comfortable with being in the public eye. Ryan helps Shane feel safe on Unsolved. It's a blessing how Ryan leads conversations. And it doesn't seem like Unsolved fans mind Shane's existential perspective with hints of nihilism. He loves being on Unsolved with Ryan. But Shane still exerts tremendous energy at work, especially in a place like Buzzfeed.

For Shane, introversion means a limited socializing bandwidth. He's trained himself to be upbeat during work hours. But there's been a spike of presentations, meetings, and social events this week. Earlier today, Shane led a handful of conference calls. When all of Buzzfeed's ecstatic about this party, Shane gets swept into it. He tells himself to stay for an hour, maybe two, then go home. But the party multiples to invite the entire city.

The exit door's too faraway.

He's trapped.

The beat of a familiar tune thuds on the walls. Sounds like lovelytheband. The chorus surfaces with the memory of circling around Burbank, Glendale, Culver City, wherever else at 2AM. Then sitting in his car at Echo Park Lake, surrendering to a panic attack, and resisting the urge to punch the steering wheel. Breaking down in the car is something he's done, since getting his license in high school, then escalated during college. At least in his 30's, Shane isn't breaking skin on his knuckles.

Shane scrutinizes the shower curtain. While watching how the light hits the semi-transparent plastic, Shane nods along to the song. He doesn't pass the time by browsing online. His phone deserves a rest too. Shane leans his head against the wall, hugs the soda bottle to his chest, and tries to count his breathing.

Eyes widen when the door handle jostles around. _Fuck._ Did he forget to lock the door? Before Shane's long limbs can flail about, the door tentatively opens. Relief washes over Shane when a familiar face peers inside. 

"Thought I'd find you here." Ryan wears his signature grin. "Is it cool if I come in?"

"Totally, dude." Shane rearranges his limbs, so he doesn't look like a marionette with severed strings. "How'd you know I was here?"

"Ghouligan's intuition?" Chuckling, Ryan closes the door behind him. "You want it locked, or...?"

Shane nods gratefully. "Yeah, that'd be great."

After locking the door, Ryan approaches the bathtub. "It's like our own secret club room! Damn, this place is clean."

His best friend's enthusiasm earns a chuckle from Shane. "I know, right? Even the mirror's spotless."

"Still got a picture of that pseudo-Satanic circle left on Ned's mirror." Ryan balances various bottles in his arms. Tilting his head, Ryan quirks a brow. "You sure you didn't draw it?"

"I lay on pentagrams," Shane declares proudly. "But I don't draw them."

Despite the scoff, Ryan shakes his head fondly. Shane assumes Ryan's going to sit on the bathtub's ledge, the closed toilet, or the blue ombre bathroom rug. His eyes widen as Ryan clambers into the bathtub. Unlike the hot tub at the Dauphine Orleans Hotel, this regular bathtub is smaller. Shane sits with his legs over the ledge. Ryan leans against Shane, and draws his knees up. Shane's angled torso and arm supports Ryan's back.

"Want some?" Ryan holds up a rather large bottle. The swirling amber liquid glints wickedly.

Even without seeing the label, Shane recognizes the brand by its signature siren red cap. Amusement touches Shane's smile. "After what happened last time, you still drink Fireball?" With a sincere thanks, Shane takes a swig.

"That time I was doing shots." Ryan tosses an empty plastic bottle into the waste bin. It scores perfectly. The remaining unopened water rests in the bathtub. "Fuck shots. You gotta drink that poison right outta the bottle." Ryan eyes the ginger ale in Shane's arm. "Can I have some?"

"Of course, dude." After passing the soda, Shane takes another sip of whiskey. Shane swallows the scorching burn with ease. He's grown used to it like Andrew and Eugene. None of them grimace anymore.

"Fuck, this is good." Ryan closes the Canadian Dry cap. "Here, dude." He hands out a water bottle. "You gotta rehydrate."

Shane chuckles. "Thanks, man."

As they trade bottles, Shane's brain finally stops lagging. Only now does Shane see glitter on Ryan's face. Everything glimmers stardust silver by first glance. But as Ryan tilts his head back for a sip, the glitter flickers through all rainbow hues. They're painted on like tear tracks, ending past his cheekbones. The light dusting of burgundy eye shadow brings out the glitter's vibrance.

"You look--"

_'-fucking beautiful. And it's not just how you look in the light. I know it's not the alcohol either. Haven't really drank much tonight, and my tolerance is god awful high. Have you caught me watching you during our show? Or when we cram late hours at work? Or when we get boba with Stevie and Drew at midnight? Or when we chill at Keith's place for horror game night AKA laugh at Ned suffering? Or maybe it's better you don't see me. Because you might see how much I love you. And god, that's fucking terrifying. Thought over the years, I'd love you less. But I keep falling for you more, Ryan. You're so damned kind, brave, hilarious, brilliant, you know when I'm scared even when everyone else thinks I'm okay, I don't feel like I'm playing an imposter of myself when I'm with you, I just feel fucking alive, I want to make you feel that way too, and you look--'_

"--awesome. Badass. Very sparkly." Shane's fingers fan out for a jazz hand. "It suits you. Reminds me of Euphoria."

Whether it's the dark eyeliner, or pure joy, Ryan's eyes shine brightly. "Thanks, man!" As he pushes back the mess of disheveled bangs, a cloud of glitter floats in the air. "That's actually how this happened. We were talking about Euphoria, and how it captures a lot of Araki's older films, but has its own contemporary take. Then there's just makeup pouring in. Eugene and Zach are giving people glitter tears. They're fucking killer at it. So, yeah." Ducking his head, Ryan laughs sheepishly. It lapses over subtle vulnerable notes. "I'm glad you don't think it's weird."

"No way. Ryan, you--" Shane tilts Ryan's face up. To Hell with cowardice. Or maybe liquid courage is kicking in early tonight. Shane voices one of his earlier thoughts. "You look fucking beautiful."

Ryan's eyes widen. As awe melts into warmth, he smiles. The vivid siennas of Ryan's eyes rival summer sunsets. There's a softness that surfaces in glimpses. Ryan nuzzles into Shane's neck. "Thanks, Shane." Laughter muffles against the leather jacket. 

It's tempting to down what's left of the alcohol. Maybe Shane can drown his heart, so it doesn't reveal anything else. "No problem." Shane's resolve doesn't last for long. Not when Ryan moves Shane's arm to circle around him. Shane holds Ryan closer, and plays with his hair.

While they drink water, Shane's gaze travels. Tonight, Ryan wears a black t-shirt, black jeans, and black Converses. Monochromatic black is an infallible go-to look for people around here. Shane's eyes try not to linger on the line of bronze skin where Ryan's shirt rides up. Instead Shane stares at the rips in Ryan's jeans. Pen doodles of constellations, stars and half moons show through the tears.

"Cute." Shane pokes a star on Ryan's knee. "Reminds me of stick-and-poke."

Beaming brightly, Ryan shifts his legs to show more of the inked galaxy. "Stevie drew 'em!"

"Is that a Standrew pun?" Shane's grin grows as Ryan's laughter bounces happily off the walls. "How're the Fancy Boys doing? Last time I saw them, Drew was drinking vodka like water, and Steven was getting cuddly."

Ryan's laugh turns into a wheeze. "Y'know how they are-- all wholesome and adorable." When he waves a hand, dazzling glitter arcs in the air. "Actually, speaking of being cuddly-"

As Ryan curls up closer, Shane smiles to himself. Bodies and limbs reshuffle to get more comfortable. It ends up with Shane reclining in the bathtub, and Ryan between his legs. Ryan leans back on Shane's chest, and presses his face into Shane's neck. Every so often, Shane catches a glimpse of his fingers while carding through dark strands. Glitter shimmers on the fingertips, and skates over knuckles. Shane's hand sparkles more with each stroke.

"If you wanna go back to the party, you totally should." Shane feels calmer in Ryan's company. But guilt still gnaws at his side. "I don't want to keep you from having fun."

"I like being with you." Ryan plays with the pins and buttons on Shane's jacket. He traces the lines of a golden D20 die. "Can I stay?"

"Yeah, of course." A secret scratches at the back of Shane's throat. He manages to swallow it down when Ryan smiles.

Just as Ryan's about to say something, an uproar erupts outside. The intro of a song known by heart floods the house. Gerard Way's voice blesses the night. In the party, everyone's screaming at the top of their lungs. Ryan air drums a few beats until thrashing. Shane laughs in sheer awe. It's likely Zach's not even nearby. But they still hear Zach shouting with all his soul to _'Helena'._ Bathroom acoustics amplify the muted sounds. With all the cacophony, there's probably a mosh pit in the downstairs living room. Maybe even outdoors.

"Holy shit." Hand over his chest, Ryan wheezes loudly. The corners of his eyes glimmer. "Bro, I'm gonna cry."

"Dude, don't get me started." Shane's laughter goes breathless. He runs a hand through his hair, then leans back. "Oh, fuck. Ry, you gotta feel this."

Shane helps Ryan sit back against the bathtub and wall. Ryan's eyes widen once feeling the vibrations of the music, the crowd, the party, everything. Trading bright smiles, Ryan takes Shane's hand into his. Fingers intertwine. At the chorus, they headbang together. No doubt the entire party's doing the same. There's definitely moshing going on somewhere. It's tempting to join the chaos of bodies. Being shoved around by friends and strangers, shoulder striking the wall, laughing with a feral grin, reveling in untamed catharsis.

But Shane would rather stay here, and hold Ryan's hand. The vibrations on their backs travel down their arms, and reach their clasped hands.

"Goddamn, dude. Wish I knew you growing up." Closing his eyes, Ryan rests his head on Shane's shoulder. "We could've listened to MCR together. And I'd burn a mixed CD for you with tracks from different albums."

Smiling, Shane closes his eyes. "We can make up for it now." A brown Doc Martens and undone laces tap along to the beat. "Maybe I can dig out my Walkman."

Ryan lifts his head with a bright smile. It strikes like a blast of sunlight. "You still have one?!"

"Yeah, bro." Opening his eyes, Shane chuckles warmly. "Kinda scratched up. But still plays well."

"Dude! That's freaking awesome!" Laughing, Ryan settles back against Shane. "Maybe I can hunt down my iPod nano."

The corner of Shane's lips pull into a smirk. "And I'll Friend Request you on MySpace?"

Ryan smirks back. "Only if I get to add you on AIM."

"Did you color the Hell out of your AIM profile?"

"Bro, I set the background to black, and individually colored every word of--" Ryan takes a deep breath. "Simple Plan lyrics."

Lightly, Shane sings, _"How could this happen to me?"_

"That was my Away message."

_"Do you ever feel like breaking down?"_

Ryan snaps his fingers. "Bingo."

Nostalgia and laughter warm them up more than alcohol. Even if the memories highlight lonely, dark times during their adolescence, there's some comfort in sharing them now. Ryan nuzzles into Shane's neck. Basking in the affection, Shane tells rationale to be quiet for a night. His over-logical brain doesn't need to whip out a slide presentation about the chances of mutual romantic attraction.

"Mm--" Ryan outlines the criss-crossing patterns of Shane's flannel. "Was the party getting a bit too much?"

Shane's laughter dials down in volume. "Yeah, kinda. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize for that." Ryan brushes messy bangs out of Shane's eyes. "Do you wanna leave?"

Gaze diverting elsewhere, Shane hesitates. He counts the tiles. "It's not like I've been here that long. I can hold out for a bit."

"Shane." Ryan touches his upper arm. He leans back, so they can see each other. "Do you want to leave?"

After counting a few more tiles, Shane looks at Ryan, and nods tiredly.

Ryan smiles. "Mmkay. Let's go then."

"Wait--" Shane's brows raise. "You too?"

"What? You don't wanna hang out with me?" Ryan grins playfully. "If you'd rather chill on your own, that's totally cool too. I can help you get home, at least."

"No, I want to be with you. I--" Shane's mind kicks his heart into a box. _Jesus fucking Christ._ Shane sincerely hopes he doesn't confess anything else. "What I mean is-- I don't want to ruin your night, and make you leave too."

"Dude, you're not ruining anything." Ryan ties the undone laces of Shane's left boot. Always the Bunny Ears method. "Trust me, I'd rather be with you at the corner of a 7/11."

"We're going to 7/11?"

"Actually, I'm kinda hungry." After discarding the emptied bottles, Ryan draws out his phone. All that's left are the Fireball and Canadian Dry. "Keith, Ned and Steven demolished the bags of gummy bears."

Shane's phone vibrates in his pocket. He assumes Ryan texted the group chat, so their friends know the Unsolved duo's leaving early. "Wasn't that for shots?"

"Bag _s_ as in plural. They probably spared one bag for offerings of alcohol." Grinning, Ryan tucks his phone away. "But yeah, how does fries and shakes sound?"

Shane eyes his best friend with a knowing smile. "Sounds to me you're craving Vegan 2."

Ryan fires a finger gun, full with sound effects. "Right on, cowboy." He even throws in a wink.

Endearment colors Shane's laugh. They help each other out of the bathtub. Any time Ryan makes the slightest movement, glitter shimmers in the air. The mirror reveals Shane in a similar state, since Ryan doused him with sparkles.

Ryan looks up with bright, brown eyes. There's a secret in that gaze. The only hint Shane gets is that it's a happy secret. Fingers lacing together, Ryan leads the way out.

The moment the door opens, a hurricane of noise attacks them. Deafening music casts an onslaught of sound waves. Traces of liquor and nicotine fill the heated atmosphere. Neon lights drown every inch of the place. By now, there's even more people. The sea of strangers flood in endlessly. Every so often, there's a fleeting glimpse of a familiar face. When people excitedly greet the passing Unsolved duo, Shane flashes that well-practiced smile. He's grateful for how Ryan keeps them moving along.

Fiery electric crimson softens into otherworldly ocean blue. A surreal enchantment falls over the place. Shane's breath catches in his throat. An old, familiar ache awakens while watching Ryan from behind. Memories spanning over years flicker in a mere second. The collaged sight of Ryan's back as they explore old buildings, get ready to board an airplane, wait in line for milk tea, play another Silent Hill game, enter the studio, admire the Santa Monica sunset, walk down the street--

Trapped air breaks free. Shane sees Ryan here. Now. At the party. Holding his hand. The walls of Shane's heart tremble from overwhelming love. It's stronger than the music's vibrations rippling across bathroom porcelain. While weaving through the crowd, Ryan holds Shane's hand tighter. Shane runs his thumb over the back of Ryan's hand. Ryan smiles over his shoulder. He looks away before seeing Shane's gaze reveal too much.

Descending downstairs, ethereal blue melts into vibrant magenta. Shane and Ryan turn the corner to see The Try Guys and Worth It. There's a kingdom of glitter and alcohol built around a broken floral sofa. Screams of _"SHANE!"_ and _"RYAN!"_ bombard the Unsolved team. They exchange hugs and smiles, along with donating the Fireball and Canadian Dry.

When Eugene wraps an arm around Shane, the embrace lingers. Eugene has the uncanny ability of knowing when someone needs a hug. The tightening embrace silently says, _'If you need me, I'm here.'_ The words are echoed by Andrew's eyes when Shane meets his gaze.

The trio runs on a similar wavelength. Maybe it has something to do with the group chat lighting up before sunrise, sharing childhood demons while laying on Andrew's bedroom floor, drinking an ocean of hard liquor after Eugene sees his family, and keeping Shane on the phone when his car circles LA at 2AM. Shane smiles at Andrew with his eyes, then claps Eugene on the back.

With his hand in Ryan's again, Shane leaves the neon Wonderland. Artificial colors dissipate. Cool night air hits their bodies, and rushes into their lungs. Even once the party fades away, Ryan doesn't let go of Shane's hand.

Tears linger behind Shane's eyes. His chest swells with joy and heartache.

* * *

While wandering outside at night, russet amber paints the world. There's a hint of magic in the air. Ryan and Shane pass house party after house party. Once leaving the neighborhood, a spectrum of colored lights cut across the space.

Violet flickers erratically from moons, stars and a crystal ball in a window. The small fortune teller's place can fit two, maybe three people. It's painted blazing highlighter yellow, and topped off with a flamingo pink roof. A line of businesses stretch out with signs in different languages. Spanish. Korean. English. Italian. Urdu. And more. The 7/11 sign glows overhead. Gravel crunches under tattered Converses and well-worn Doc Martens. Fluorescent flyers stapled onto telephone poles flutter in the night breeze.

A low-rise wall divides the stained sidewalk and dead grass. Ryan leaps onto the ledge. It brings Shane and Ryan closer in height. Ryan holds onto Shane's hand to keeps his balance. A shiver trickles down his frame. Shane pulls off the leather jacket, and drapes it over Ryan.

"Thanks, dude!" Ryan perks up. The jacket hangs off his shoulders like a cape. "But won't you be cold?"

Shane shakes his head. "Nah, I'm good. And you always say I'm a human furnace."

"You are!" Ryan swings their clasped hands. His free hand gestures in the air. "That's why I don't get cold when we sleep at haunted places."

"Since when have we ever slept at a haunted place? It's just dusty attics, old ships, buildings with the roof about to cave in-"

"Some of them are haunted!" Ryan launches off the ledge to tackle Shane.

"Holy fuck, Ry--!" Shane catches his best friend. He keeps his footing, so they don't crack their skulls on the pavement. "Dude, you could've gotten hurt."

Ryan's laughter muffles against Shane. He looks up with bright eyes. "Yeah, but you always catch me."

As Ryan resumes walking, his arms slide into the jacket sleeves. Shane watches Ryan's back. He breathes through the ache in his chest.

Between a coin laundry, and a beauty supply store, _'VEGAN 2'_ flashes in bold emerald and cerulean. Nobody knows what the '2' stands for in the business name. Most likely the employees don't know either. Shane and Ryan aren't vegan. But damn, this spot makes the best milkshakes and fries in town. Also it doesn't cost an arm and leg to buy from here.

When Shane tries to pay, Ryan punches his shoulder, then nearly side kicks him. Before Shane can ask when Ryan learned Taekwondo, Ryan's already paid.

"Bro, you didn't have to do that."

"Lemme fill my monthly quota of being nice to you." Ryan slides the wallet away. Mischief glimmers in his eyes. "That way I can roast you guilt-free on Unsolved."

Shaking his head, Shane scoffs. But he can't fight the grin. "Paying indulgences at your local vegan place?"

"Something like that." Ryan flashes a smile with feigned innocence.

While waiting, Shane leans back against the wall, and hooks his thumbs into jean pockets. Ryan rocks on his heels, and sways to the music playing overhead. They talk about upcoming films American Cinematheque is showing. It opens the rambling floodgates for Fincher's filmography, how damned brilliant Mindhunter is, the newer Suspiria, followed by Ryan asking if Shane wants to see something at the Aero next weekend, and Shane happily agreeing.

After receiving their order, Ryan and Shane settle at one of the outdoor tables. 80's tracks singing through crackling speakers are their only company. Ryan pops open the plastic lids. One vanilla. One coffee. Shane tears at the straws' paper wrapping. He frees Ryan's straw like a civil human being, then passes it over. With his own straw, Shane stabs it into the tray, bites the open end, and draws the rest out by jerking his head.

"Remember when we were at the Winchester House?" Ryan sips on the coffee milkshake, then dips a fry into the vanilla one. "We were sitting in those chairs. And we talked about things that you can't see that are real. Like gravity."

"Yeah." Chuckling, Shane reaches for a French fry. "And I said you can prove it by dropping an apple."

Ryan lightly elbows Shane, but he's smiling. "Well, since you're all about proving that things exist with evidence--" Ryan gnaws on his straw. Slowly, scarlet brushes over his face. "How would you prove love?"

The fry falls out of Shane's fingers, and lands on the tray. His expression goes blank. "Love?"

"Yeah." Grinning boyishly, Ryan holds out a fry. "Y'know what love is, right?"

Shane takes the offered fry. He's never chewed slower in his life. "Mmhm." Suddenly, Shane's very interested in stirring the milkshake. After three rotations, he admits, "I'm not sure how to prove love."

Ryan sighs. "Too bad there isn't an EVP for it, huh?"

"Not sure how it'd help when an EVP doesn't do anything, but make noise."

Shane laughs as Ryan elbows him again. While stirring the milkshake some more, a thought crosses Shane's mind. Logic barks at him to swallow these words down. His brain's even pleading by now. _'For fuck's sake, Madej. Don't do it. You're more rational than this, dude. Channel your inner Spock. Don't fucking ask shit that's gonna break your own heart--'_

"You totally don't have to answer this if you don't want to. But, uh-" Shane clears his throat. He watches Ryan from the corner of his eye. "Is there...someone you're into?"

Ryan's face burns even more. "Yeah."

"Oh."

Shane's heart unravels softly. Almost silently. The man wonders if his heart was even intact in the first place. At least, his fingers still hold onto the fry.

The old ventriloquism act kicks into high-gear. "That's awesome, dude." Shane smiles. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, man." Ryan laughs against the dark sleeve. "But uhm-- it's not like we're together. I haven't told him yet. I mean, not until-..." Voice trailing off, Ryan sips on the straw.

Shane wields a shovel in one hand. He should throw it into the fire. Instead Shane stabs the shovel into the dirt, and starts digging his own grave. "What's this guy like?"

"Oh, gosh." Ryan's gaze lifts to the neon sign. "He's lovely. Yeah. That's the first word that comes to mind. And wow, he has the best laugh. It's like--" Ryan draws in a slow breath. Adoring browns soften even more. "Always summer around him. Warm. Bright. And he's ridiculously smart." Chuckling in awe, Ryan shakes his head. "Like seriously, the dude can work for NASA, JPL, one of those places. But it's not just that he's smart. He's passionate, creative, and cares so damned much."

Ryan pulls the leather jacket closer to his frame. "I know he goes out of his way to make people laugh. Or in my case, distract me from getting too anxious. There's just--" With another inhale, Ryan stares at the glitter shimmering on the jacket sleeves. "A lot of kindness he gives. But he doesn't give much to himself. So, I want to give that to him. And I'd love to make him laugh more. He deserves the fucking universe. I just-..." Ryan looks down at the table. "I want to be by his side."

Shane's hand resting on the table has long gone numb. Hearing someone you love be in love with someone else is...

Unrequited love is...?

Nothing compares. No adequate metaphors, lyrics, poetry, absolutely nothing.

There's only pain.

It's not as if Shane ever seriously thought he had a chance with Ryan. And he's not one to assume platonic intimacy is an one-way track towards something romantic. But maybe there was a flicker of hope with the way Ryan calls his name. Or looks at Shane like he's worth something good. But when hearing Ryan talk about this other guy, Shane doesn't know how he could ever measure up.

The numbness reaches such excruciating degrees that Shane can't feel anything. Old coping mechanisms (extreme compartmentalization, emotional detachment, keeping the ventriloquist act on) kick in simultaneously. Shane's grateful for these survival methods. The pain can crash in when he's alone.

Tonight, Ryan's fucking glowing. It's not just the neon lights or the glitter. It's from how Ryan's in love. And so damned happy.

Shane isn't going to take that away from him.

So, Shane puts on his best smile. Not a rehearsed one. But something genuine. "He's the luckiest guy ever. Because you love him."

Ryan wheezes softly. _"I love him."_ With laughter muffling, Ryan rests his head on Shane's shoulder. "I'm in love with him. Fuck-- I love him so much."

While Ryan's face buries into his neck, Shane closes his eyes tightly. Takes a slower breath. Pleads for the tears to recede. Shoves heartbreak into a box, and plunges it into the ocean. It can haunt him later when he's circling around LA another night.

Shane wraps an arm around Ryan. Once he's absolutely certain his voice won't crack, Shane breaks the silence. "As awesome as this guy sounds--" he says against soft hair. Even the dark locks glitter. "He better fucking treat you well. Go above and beyond for you. Take care of you. And make you laugh a lot." Shane tightens the embrace, and blinks furiously. For once, the tears listen to him, and don't fall. "You've always deserved that kind of love, Ry."

When Ryan's breath hitches on what sounds like a sob, Shane's eyes widen. He draws back to see Ryan tearing up. 

"Hey, buddy." Gently, Shane dries Ryan's damp eyes. "You okay?"

There it is again-- the way Ryan looks at him. Shane can name every element on the periodic table by memory. But he can't even begin to name the emotions in Ryan's eyes.

Nodding, Ryan leans into Shane's touch. The corner of his smile touches palm lines. "Just got some glitter in my eye."

Shane chuckles warmly. "You've got glitter everywhere." 

"You too, man." Ryan pokes at Shane's chest.

Looking down at himself, Shane sees the Milky Way sparkling on his clothes. Shane laughs. "Think it's a nice touch."

"It looks good on you." Coughing, Ryan looks back at his drink. "But like-- everything does."

"Damn, Bergara. Trying to fill your Be Nice to Shane quota for the _year?_ " 

Before Ryan can snap a comeback, Shane feeds him a fry. They share boyish grins. As they fall back into easy conversation, Shane tries to ignore the heaviness in his chest. The lifelong practice of talking, smiling, and laughing with tears behind his eyes comes into use. Once they finish up, Ryan and Shane leave the restaurant.

"Do you wanna crash at my place?" Even without checking the time on his phone, Shane knows it's getting late. His apartment's within walking distance.

Ryan hugs Shane's leather jacket closer. "You don't mind me getting glitter everywhere?"

"Dude, don't worry. And there's already glitter in the apartment."

Curious, Ryan glances up. "Been working on more puppets?"

Shane's laughter carries poorly veiled sheepishness. His hands tuck into denim pockets. "Yeah. Not sure if it'll ever lead to anything." Shane gives a half-shrug. "But I wanna keep trying."

"Dude, it's totally gonna lead to something!" Grinning, Ryan links his arm around Shane's elbow. "And it's gonna be fucking awesome."

Ryan radiates with infinite enthusiasm and hope. Shane's heart almost claws out of his ribcage. It's breathtaking how much Ryan believes in him.

"Thanks, dude." Shane clears his throat. "Or if you wanna head home, I can get a rideshare for you."

"Can we go to your place, if that's okay?" Ryan hugs Shane's arm. "It's been busy with work lately. And we haven't gotten to hang out much." He leans his head against the soft flannel. "We don't even have to do anything. We can just chill."

"Seems like a night for more Tales from the Crypt."

"Fuck yes!" Ryan beams with a raised sleeve paw. "Let's go, dude!"

Despite Ryan's good intentions of leading the way, he heads in the opposite direction. Gently, Shane steers him the right way. It's not long until they approach the apartment complex. Music rages from windows shining saturated colors. If people aren't clubbing and/or bar hopping, then they're partying at home. Friday going on Saturday means getting wrecked until sunrise, sleeping through AM hours, then doing it again weekend nights.

As Shane grows older, he just wants to turn in when the clock hits 9 PM. Maybe 10 PM if he's feeling adventurous. Curl up in bed with a good book, or watch Cosmos for millionth time. Sometimes, Ryan's reading with Shane, even narrating with his Unsolved voice. Or leaning against Shane while the heartwarming intro music plays, followed by Sagan's serene voice.

As they approach a rusted gate, warm golden light falls on Ryan. Dark brown hair burns with ochre highlights. Shane stares at Ryan's back.

"Ry."

"Hmm?"

Ryan looks up with open eyes. The curious light grows into deep fondness and sparking excitement. As if they can embark on another nocturnal adventure any second. Whether it's roaming the city streets, or taking a breather in Shane's home. Quiet or loud, every moment with Ryan hums with life. Damnit. Damnit. God _damnit._ Shane wants to kiss Ryan right now. Feel that smile against his lips. Hold Ryan close until their heartbeats fall in sync. Whisper exactly what he means when calling Ryan beautiful. The confession brewing for years begins to surface. Shane leans down.

"Ryan, I like--"

The space between them grows smaller. Electric. Intimate.

"--all that glitter on you." His forehead rests on Ryan's shoulder. "And this jacket looks better on you than me."

A quiet moment passes, then melts under the warmth of Ryan's voice. "Wow. Filling your lifetime quota of being nice to me, huh?" Ryan gently nudges their heads together. Softer, he whispers, "Thanks, Shane."

The sound of Ryan's laughter trickles warmly into Shane's ear. Chipped heart fragments dig into other internal organs. With heartbreak, each inhale pierces with glass.

But Shane still returns Ryan's smile.

Music spanning genres and decades fill the corridor. Once they're inside Shane's home, the music lightly muffles. Some lyrics bleed through. While setting shoes aside, Shane observes how it's tamer compared to past nights. The building behind Shane's has a mix of families and college students. Tonight, the roof isn't blasting off the place.

"Shane, shower with me!"

"What--"

With Shane's wrist in his hand, Ryan drags him into the bathroom. Shane always marvels at how much strength Ryan has. Ryan strips off the jacket, flannel, and socks. Still faintly buzzed, Ryan deems this as sufficient. The water hisses to life. Shane swiftly empties their pockets of phones, keys, and wallets. The items are set aside just in time as Ryan pulls Shane into the shower stall. When the cold water hits, Ryan pterodactyl screeches into Shane's chest.

"Buddy, the water needs time to warm up. Here, hold on-" Shane turns them around.

Standing with his back to the water, Shane blocks most of it from hitting Ryan. Clothes drench in seconds. Fabric melts onto their skin. The sound of falling water fills the air. Ryan smooths out Shane's faded Emery t-shirt. Palms rest over the album art of a man with a fish bowl for a head. Nearly empty. Partly full. Warmth burns through the soaked shirt.

"I wanted to take care of you tonight," Ryan murmurs softly. "Instead you took care of me."

"Ry, you _did_ take care of me." Shane brushes glistening bangs out of Ryan's eyes. "When I wander off in a party, you find me. And you know when I want to leave." Shane grins. "Bought me a shake and fries too."

Pooling water in his hands, Ryan wipes at his face. Some of the makeup melts away. When Ryan looks up with a smile, he's still glowing. "I'll always find you."

Ryan wraps his arms around Shane's shoulders, and buries his face into the man's neck. Shane holds Ryan tighter. It would be nice to stay under running water. But they live in LA, and water is a godsend. So, the shower turns off. Silence settles in the bathroom.

As water drips from their bodies, they stay a while longer in the shower. They hold each other so tightly that bones ache. Shane stares below at the bathtub. Rivulets of water and glitter trickle down the drain. Everything shimmers and blurs from held back tears. Closing his eyes tightly, Shane embraces Ryan harder. Ryan murmurs something in languages Shane doesn't know. The only word he understands is his own name. By a miracle, Shane doesn't cry.

Drying off, changing into new clothes, setting up the laptop on the nightstand, bringing out waters-- none of it feels like routine. All of it carries a note of finality to Shane. This isn't right. Shane shouldn't be mourning. Just because Ryan likes someone else doesn't mean it's the end of their friendship. And this isn't even jealousy. Envy never sits well with Shane. He doesn't believe any person owns another person. The notion of being entitled to another individual's existence bewilders him.

This is just quiet sadness.

But love helps Shane to cradle heartbreak, and laugh along with his best friend. They wheeze hysterically over Ryan's perfect impression of The Cryptkeeper. Whether it's being painted by neon party lights, dying street lamps, or the laptop's soft glow, Ryan looks beautiful as ever.

A fallen eyelash rests on Ryan's cheek. Shane gently touches Ryan's face, so the eyelash balances on his fingertip. As Shane holds it out, Ryan's eyes brighten. He blows the dark lash away.

Shane follows the eyelash until it vanishes. "Made a wish?"

With a soft laugh, Ryan grins. "Mmhm."

As Shane drapes his arm over the man, Ryan moves in closer. One episode moves onto another. Ryan writes invisible words on Shane's arm. Every so often, Ryan's body shakes with quiet laughter, and Shane chuckles along.

It's uncertain when Shane dozes off. Later when he blinks half-awake, Shane sees the laptop closed, the empty waters cleared away, and the blankets laid over them. Ryan sleeps soundly. Gently, Shane brushes strands out of Ryan's closed eyes.

Hand trembling, Shane covers his own eyes. He silently pleads for no sobs to leave their cage. The aching in his heart swells. It surpasses the intensity of a supernova. But when this dying star collapses, Shane doesn't know if anything will emerge from the aftermath.

Shane startles when Ryan turns around. Before flailing over being caught almost breaking down, Shane realizes Ryan's still asleep. Ryan curls up closer, and lets out a soft sigh of content. There's a hint of a smile. As heartbreak slams an iron fist into Shane's chest, he holds Ryan tightly. Sleep mercifully takes Shane before any tears escape.

* * *

The unmistakable melody of Despacito breaks into the morning air. It's accompanied by mass cheering and hollering. Once the chorus hits, thudding vibrations shake the walls. Shane makes an incoherent noise while stretching his limbs. Eyes blinking blearily, he reaches for his phone. The screen lights up to reveal that it's not even noon yet.

"Good lord." Despite how sleep roughens his voice, Shane's laugh carries amusement. The phone lands on the bed. He burrows back into the warmth radiating from his best friend.

Ryan nods along to the rhythm. "I was wondering why that building wasn't partying it up last night."

"If they're partying now before noon, it means they're gonna go until AM tomorrow."

Ryan's laughter dances across Shane's shoulder. His fingers thread through light brown hair. Every so often, Ryan half-whispers, half-sings along to the lyrics. Shane closes his eyes. It's way too early for Ryan's perfect pronunciation. God knows how no one's caught the way Shane gets a far-off look when Ryan speaks Spanish on Unsolved. From the clarity in Ryan's voice, Shane assumes he woke up earlier. Shane leans into the fingers playing with his hair. A few moments pass where Shane dozes off. 

Next time he stirs, Shane's more awake. The party must've hit replay, since the song's still going, and Ryan's humming the melody. Shane lays on his back with his arm pillowing Ryan's head. Ryan's tucked between Shane's side, and the wall touching the bed. The morning air sparkles dazzlingly. At first, Shane wonders if the sun's really damned bright. Then he realizes it's the leftover glitter.

"How is there more glitter on me than you?" Genuinely puzzled, Shane's brows knit together.

"You match the rest of your place." Ryan laughs into a sleeve. The red hoodie that belongs to Shane is overlarge on Ryan's frame. Shane offered to shrink it with the dryer, but Ryan insists that it's perfect. "I couldn't really tell last night. But damn, Madej--" Ryan sits up. Dark hair sticks out in odd angles. Some of the ends curl. "You weren't kidding. It's like a disco ball exploded here." He reaches for a glass of water, and holds it out to Shane. "Need painkillers?"

Shifting upright, Shane takes the water. "Thanks, dude." He tilts the glass back. "Not hungover, so I don't need any."

"I don't get how you, Drew, and Gene don't get hangovers."

"We do. But we'd have to get almost blackout drunk. Don't have the energy to do that these days." Chuckling, Shane places the finished glass aside. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm good." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ryan studies his knees. "Hangover isn't killer. Most of the headache's passed."

Even if it's still early, Shane's perceptive enough to read Ryan. He catches hints of what may be anxiety. Shane waits patiently. Sure enough, Ryan speaks up first.

"So, uh-" Ryan winds the hoodie's drawstring around his fingers. "This might sound weird. But-- I hope it's okay if I ask."

"Yeah, of course."

"Last night...did you..." Ryan worries his lower lip. A hand runs roughly through his hair. "Fuck- I don't know how to ask this without sounding like-- vain. Or self-centered."

"Trust me, Ry, that's not what you are." Shane sits back against the headboard. A knee draws up for Shane to rest his elbow upon. "You can always ask me anything."

Ryan stares at his hands swallowed by the sleeves. "Last night--" He breathes in deep, then looks at Shane. "How'd you say I looked?"

Slowly, Shane's eyes widen. But the quiet surprise vanishes swiftly. Just like how Shane's too exhausted with getting blackout drunk, and ruminating by Echo Park Lake at 2AM, Shane's too exhausted to hold this secret in. Even as his chest carves hollow, a smile surfaces.

"I said you looked fucking beautiful." Shane holds his gaze on Ryan. "Like now. And any other time I see you." Shane's smile grows a little strained, but remains genuine. "I like you--" His voice breaks off with a quiet laugh. If this is Shane's one chance to be wholly honest, then he's going to bite every bullet. "I love you, Ryan. I've been in love with you for a long time."

In silence, Ryan stares. Amber browns glimmer with rising tears. Blurriness melts over Shane's vision as well.

"But I know you like someone else." In spite of his voice cracking, Shane holds the smile. "With how you talked about this dude, he sounds amazing. I hope things go well between you guys. And like I said last night, he better treat you damned well-..." Shane's voice trails off. Eyes widening, he watches Ryan slide off the bed with a strangled sob. "Oh, god. Ryan-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry-"

Ryan's sleeves cover his face. Shane watches Ryan pull the sweater collar higher until his whole head disappears. It would be cute if Ryan wasn't sobbing. Shoulders shaking, Ryan falls over to lay on the floor.

"Ry-" Shane scrambles off the bed, and kneels beside Ryan. Concern pounds heavily in his chest. "Dude, I'm sorry-"

"No, _I'm_ sorry." Ryan's voice muffles against the fabric. "I'm really, really, _really_ sorry. _Shane, I'm sorry-_ "

"Dude--" Shane lays down on his side, so they're facing each other. A hand rests on Ryan's shoulder. "You don't need to apologize. It's okay. I--" After hesitating, Shane withdraws his hand. "I can give you some space. And if you'd rather have someone else on Unsolved for a while, I totally understand-"

"No!" Ryan grabs the front of Shane's shirt. "Don't go." The hoodie's collar draws down just enough to reveal Ryan's eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting you by making you think I was talking about someone else last night. I was-- I was scared. I didn't know how you felt, but I just- I couldn't stop talking about how I feel for you."

"I-..." Shane's brain kicks into hyperdrive, and replays last night's conversation. "What?"

"It's _you,_ Shane." Ryan pulls the collar down all the way. Breathlessly, he confesses, "It's always been you."

"But the guy you were talking about-" Shane's voice chokes. All the adoration, the pride, the love in Ryan's words from last night-- That was about _Shane?_ Shaking his head, Shane sits up. "Ry, that's not- I'm not--"

Quickly, Ryan dries his damp face. Once sitting up, he reaches for Shane's hand. He brushes over the index finger that held out an eyelash. "I know there's some unsaid rule about not revealing wishes. But fuck it--" Ryan's fingers fall into the spaces between Shane's. "I wished you could see yourself through my eyes. Even if it's just for a day. Or a moment." Siennas glow brightly. Ryan holds onto Shane's hand tighter. "Because then you'd see how fucking amazing you are. And how it's impossible not to love you."

Ryan looks down at their hands, and the specks of glitter. Iridescent stardust shines under the morning light. With determination and hope flaring, Ryan returns his gaze to Shane. "But I don't need a wish." He lifts their clasped hands to kiss Shane's knuckles. "I'm just going to keep loving you harder. So that you never doubt how much I'm fucking in love with you."

A tremendous wave of tears crashes into Shane. Exhaling heavily, Shane's other hand hovers over his eyes. "Christ, Ry-" How the fuck does he respond to a confession like that? A sob and laugh escape at the same time. Lowering his hand, Shane looks at Ryan. After a few blinks, the blurriness passes. Shane holds Ryan's hand back. "Still wanna prove love?"

Laughing, Ryan touches the side of Shane's face. "Not gonna use the EVP?"

Shane smiles as Ryan leans in. "Got everything we need right here."

Lips press together. Tremors of uncertainty and anxiety quell. Ryan curls his fingers into Shane's light brown hair. Umber strands twine and pull gently. The out-of-tune strings, and radio static in their minds surrender to a long-awaited symphony. Love reaches deeper than sound waves rippling across porcelain and tiled walls.

Fueled by years of yearning, the kiss burns and deepens. Shane wraps his arms around Ryan. A hand between Ryan's shoulder blades scorches down to the small of his back. As Ryan moves on top, he caresses Shane's neck, fingers seeking out a lovely pulse. The affection melts Shane into a mess. Sighing softly, he holds Ryan close. The kiss breaks as they catch their breaths. 

With his forearms bracketing Shane's head, Ryan hovers over him. "You okay?"

Shane blinks at the hand drying his tears. He's startled to discover that he's crying. A warm chuckle tumbles out. "More than okay." He kisses Ryan's fingers.

"I won't hurt you like that ever again." Ryan rests their foreheads together. "I don't want to hurt you at all."

Shane holds the man closer. "I know, babe." Shane smiles at how Ryan wheezes from the pet name. Amusement touches his grin. "So, you think I can work for NASA? JPL?"

Ryan lifts his head from Shane's chest, and looks right at him. "Shane, I know you can do anything."

The fierce belief in those eyes doesn't waver the slightest. Shane leans into Ryan's warm hand. After kissing the palm, Shane draws Ryan in for another kiss. Laughter breaks in-between them. With ease, Shane turns them to pin Ryan on his back. Ryan's fingers skate across broad shoulders, then follows elegant vertebrae.

Lightly, Ryan pecks Shane's cheek. "It's Saturday."

"Mmhm."

"There's at least half a dozen parties happening."

"You wanna go?"

"Depends." Playful mischief flickers in Ryan's eyes. "Think we can find another bathroom to make our secret clubroom?"

Shane laughs. "I'm sure there's gotta be at least one." When a thought crosses his mind, Shane smiles. "Hold on a sec." He gives Ryan another kiss, then pushes onto his feet.

Curious, Ryan sits up, and watches Shane cross the bedroom. Shane rummages through some drawers.

"Ry, can you close your eyes?"

"You're not gonna murder me?"

Scoffing, Shane glances over his shoulder. "Why would I kill you when you're my partner-in-crime?" His lips curve into a smile. "Y'know I adore Worth It and The Try Guys, _but..._ "

"I hear ya." Closing his eyes, Ryan fights a humored wheeze. "Not like we've been researching forensic countermeasures just for the show."

Ryan hears chuckling, then some shuffled movement. The sounds grow as Shane draws nearer. It's tempting to open his eyes, but Ryan keeps them closed. Shane fixes an earbud into Ryan's ear. A thin wire brushes against his skin.

After a few seconds, a familiar intro plays. Ryan's heart can't decide between crying or laughing, so he ends up wheezing. In the darkness of closed eyes, Ryan's hand reaches out until finding what he's been searching for: Shane's heartbeat. The precious rhythm greets his palm. Ryan smiles once feeling Shane's forehead against his own.

"Can I open my eyes?"

"Mmhm."

Ryan sees Shane looking back at him. They share earbuds connected to a silver Walkman CD player. A bit scratched up, but still valiantly playing. Even with the disc being over a decade old, _'Helena_ ' plays with gorgeous clarity.

When Ryan wheezes with laughter, so does Shane. The space between them grows smaller until their lips brush. As Shane cradles the side of his neck, Ryan absolutely melts. The kiss remains unbroken. Ryan leans in close. Closer. Until they're both laying down again with Ryan partly on top. Ryan pins Shane's wrist above his head. His hand slides into Shane's. Fingers lace together tightly. By the time their lips part, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge moves onto the next track.

"I can't--" Ryan laughs with tears catching at his voice. His fingers touch the earbud fixed into Shane's ear. "I can't believe you. Christ, babe, Shane-- you jackass." After a sleeve lightly swats Shane's arm, Ryan kisses him again. "How dare you be so fucking romantic? And how'd you know I always wanted to make out to MCR?"

"Figured we might share a similar wishlist." Shane smiles so broadly that his face aches. "What if I play From Under the Cork Tree?"

A sleeve paw presses against Shane's mouth. Ryan's fingertips touch the growing grin. "No kisses for you." But the smile in his eyes say otherwise. "I'll be crying."

Shane kisses the fingertips. Then again after seeing how Ryan's gaze softens. "They're Only Chasing Safety?"

Bright laughter breaks free. Grinning, Ryan tilts his head. "Now, I'm just starting to think you stole my whole CD collection."

"I would've at least _borrowed_ it. I'm not a thief."

Ryan kisses the corner of Shane's mouth. "I'll burn you that mixed CD."

Smiling, Shane taps the song's rhythm on Ryan's back. "Promise?"

"I promise."

Ryan guides Shane's hand under the hoodie and t-shirt. Just to feel him closer. Closing his eyes, Ryan rests his head on Shane's chest. Music pours into one ear. Shane's heartbeat sings into the other. Shane writes invisible words on warm skin. Sometimes, he draws constellations. Ones that exist. And a few that Shane creates just for Ryan

As the chorus crescendoes, they smile into another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♡♡ I fell into the rabbit hole of _'(song title here) but you're in the bathroom at a party'_ kinda music. Reignited lot of memories. Figured I'd shape stories out of them. It's been a freaking blast writing these pieces! Thank you for supporting my work. Kudos, comments, and such are always loved :) Stay safe and take care ♡
> 
> REFERENCES / INSPIRATION:  
> \-- Fic title: 'but you're in the bathroom at a party' songs. Ft. ['Hold Me While You Wait' - Lewis Capaldi](https://youtu.be/aD2Q16RkU9Y), ['broken' - lovelytheband](https://youtu.be/Epp0tcKkHSM), ['Sugar, We're Goin Down' - Fall Out Boy](https://youtu.be/_yLO8g9iQE0), ['Helena' - My Chemical Romance](https://youtu.be/hkdNSs_WLRY), ['Everything I Wanted' - Billie Eilish](https://youtu.be/VdI-6Gp66JA), ['Summertime Sadness' - Lana del Rey](https://youtu.be/EXd5HwfTQ0k), ['Slow Dancing in the Dark' - Joji](https://youtu.be/jd_gUQ6gudU)  
> \-- ['Helena' - My Chemical Romance](https://youtu.be/a_1tA0bpDQs)  
> \-- ['Walls' - Emery (The Weak's End album)](https://youtu.be/2Xq8z6hoY58)  
> \-- Glitter tears makeup from Euphoria
> 
> [ Disclaimer: This is 100% a work of fiction. No association with the real Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej, Andrew Ilnyckyj, Steven Lim, Eugene Lee Yang, Zach Kornfeld, Ned Fulmer, Keith Habersberger, and any other mentioned RPF individuals. ]


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